Sorry I Have To Say This, But Sorry Just Doesn't Cut It

How many times do you hear the words I'm sorry and genuinely stop and think about it? My answer would be zero. Apologies have lost all their meanings. I would like to attribute this to the over use of sorry for everything.  We say sorry for every little thing even if it isn't our fault. Some might say we do this out of courtesy but I think it's to relieve some of the awkward tension in social situations. At my place of employment I catch myself apologizing for little things that I can't change. Then when I go to apologize with sincerity, it loses its meaning and effect because we are used to hearing it and dismissing it. We also apologize for things that are out of our hands when we really mean we feel compassionate or sad for their situation. We need to use sorry for the right things and save our sorries for the important stuff. Just try one day to catch yourself from saying "I'm sorry" for the small stuff, things that aren't your fault, or when you mean you feel bad for them.

A Good Gesture Equals A Good Mood

There are days at work when I hate everything. Customers are evil. They don't care about me or any of the other Hasting's employees. People put all their hate from the week onto on anyone who is associated with slowness. I may be over-exaggerating but it is still horrible. So that puts me in a dour mood and I don't care about customers. And when a customer comes up to the register, I give me a mumblely, "How are you doing?" It's dumb. And no one really cares. But one day, when I was on the edge of exploding, God sent an angel. This girl came up and I started with "How's it going?" and she said, "I'm doing great, how about yourself?" Then I spouted some lie to the effect of "OK" but I wasn't. She noticed and told me that I didn't sound fine. This was crazy. Did she care about me for just a second? I don't know but I like to think she did. After finishing the transaction she wished me a good day. That changed my mood for the rest of the day. Based on this situation I want to make a promise to myself. I want to give at least one compliment to a person. Maybe I'll make someone's day. Maybe not but what's the worst that could happen.

Friends or Less?

I recently had an enjoyable day at work. Shocker! It was partly due to the fact that my insufferable manager got fired (and there was much rejoicing among the Hasting's staff!). Another reason it was great is that one of the Team Leaders got told to suck a dick over $2 credit. We all had a laugh about that one. So throughout the course of the evening, I'm conversing with my co-workers and I am getting to know them more. I have to spend time with them so I might as well know them to some degree. And I made an easy observation. We are a rag-tag group of people. We have people ranging in ages from 17-26 and that's only including the people that were present. I am entertained by these acquaintances....at work. But what about out and about (I had to do that)? Would I befriend this group if I meet them in the real world? I started pondering this in my mind and came to the conclusion that most of these people wouldn't be on my friend list. Some too old and some too young. So I questioned my co-workers. A majority said enthusiastically, "Yes, of course!" But I had to disagree with them. One girl said yes and I told her I probably wouldn't be her friend based on what I know now which is her name. She was offended but rightly so. How can I be someone's friend based on a name? I can't. One girl took me serious (rarely happens) and said that she would have to know more about me. And so we began to "get to know each other" and we past judgment upon each other; Maybe, depends. I appreciate her for being honest and her interest in the matter. So would you be friends with the people you work with if you had never worked with them and meet them in real life?

The Good, The Bad, and The Awkward

I will admit the title is cliché but it seems to sum up this short post. This experience made me feel excellent and exasperated at the same time. I was in my relentlessly boring Speech class about to listen to a group presentation. There is this cute girl, with one of the most amazing smiles I have ever seen, in the group that's in the process of preparing. She is just sitting at the front looking at her soon-to-be-audience. My eyes are drawn to her and not in a perverted way. So it happens that our eyes meet. Quick look away! Off course I listen to my first thought but instead of not looking back I look again. Eyes connect over the short distance. "Break the awkward,” my mind screams and I speedily look away but awkwardness isn't avoided. I've learned my lesson. No more looking. Just one more look to test it. The same result and the same reaction come from both of us. So then I struggle not to look for the rest of the hour and a fourth. We'll that half-minute of awkwardness including an estimated 7 seconds of eye contact made-slash-broke my day. I loved the beautiful seconds but hated that I didn't do anything about it. I still can't bring myself to say anything to her. I fear it may be to late.

The Cost Of An Embrace

I recently saw a picture somewhere online of two people hugging with a caption reading "Free Hugs." It took my mind back to Guadalajara, this summer. My youth group went on a mission trip there and one day we walked around the main square with signs that told the world we were different. Those signs advertised "Free Hugs" (In Spanish). But this picture also took my mind down a strange path. I was thinking if free hugs are a big deal, there must be a cost to that hug. It's just logic for something to be free it must first have a cost. What is the cost of a hug? I don't pay people money for a warm embrace (but I suppose you could). What do I offer in return for a sign of a friendly connection? There are so many different types of hugs and I think each one comes with a different fee. A side hug is most comparable to a penny. We throw it way. You can get side hugs from anyone so the cost of that isn't even worth exploring further. Then you have the hug that as soon as it starts there comes a pat on your back signifying the end. It is a hug that you would give to a friend. The cost is just friendship. Nothing more or less. Then we move up to the big categories. You have a consoling hug. One you give a friend who needs it. The two people owe something to the other when a consoling hug is exchanged. They both have to be an emotional support. So don't go giving hugs to crying acquaintances. You don't want to have that between you and someone you don't know well enough. Then there is a loving hug. One I would give to someone I love. Words aren't good enough to describe that hug and it's cost. So I won't use any. There are probably more types of hugs but I think this is enough to get hugs and their cost on the mind.

The Culture of Coffee

This was one of my assignment for my English. It was to describe a place where you go to relax. I choose Sugar Brown's. I was very proud of it so I had to post it. Enjoy.

Society has enthusiastically fallen into coffee’s warm aromatic arms and I’m no exception. Like everyone else I also have chosen a favorite coffee shop. It may not be as ingrained into our society as Starbuck’s but Sugar Brown’s offers a intimate setting that attracts an eclectic mix of people. The things that keep me coming back time after time are the engaging environment, the delicious coffee and the welcoming people.
The first experience I take in when walking into Sugar Brown’s is the alluring environment. The walls always catch my eye because the local art is always changing. I can hear all the conversations going on at once and I feel the emotions involved with each one. The lighting is low and it induces a tranquil euphoria. When I look at the dark ceiling I can see the twinkle of star-like lights that emulate the night sky. I look over in a small nook and am invited by the couches to come, rest, and forget the day. The music is always pleasing to my ears and soothing to my soul because they play many different genres that contribute to the lax ambience. During all this, the dulcet aromas of coffee draw me towards the counter.
The coffee, and other delicious beverages, pleads with you to stay and enjoy all that Sugar Brown’s has to offer. I look and see the menu’s vast variety offered to my impatient taste buds. I can always fall back on the default bottomless cup of coffee for a fair price of $3. Their various mixed drinks are always a good choice. They have lattes that are flavored with maple syrup, cinnamon, toffee nut, or any other flavor I desire. They also serve coffee in a French press, which is the king of all coffees. I can sample coffees from exotic place like Brazil or Kenya, and I am guaranteed that they are all fair trade and growth hormone free. If I’m not in the mood for a coffee based drink I can indulge in a fruit smoothie that tickles the taste bud. The Chia teas are warm alternatives that awaken feelings of Christmas. The best of all the non-coffee drink is the 20° Below which is an elegant mix of chocolate served cold. I try to relish over my choice of beverage and the baristas are always glad to help me make my decision.
The true reason I am drawn back to Sugar Brown’s every time is the multitudes of people that make me feel that I belong to something far greater than I will ever be. There are the baristas that are always glad to have a friendly conversation and have become friends instead of just people providing a service. They have come to remember my name and I now know most of theirs. The next category of people is the old friends that I can have healing conversation with and who will be in my heart forever. They make Sugar Brown’s feel safe, like a second home. With these close friends I am guaranteed to meet new people that visit Sugar Brown’s often. The musicians that play are also as friendly as the customers that come to enjoy the music. It is different than seeing a famous musician play because you can personally complement them and strike up a normal conversation about life.
Sugar Brown’s is so welcoming because of the amazing environment, the aromatic coffee, and the sociable people. I may have followed a fad of society by coming to know a coffee shop as an extension of my home but I do not regret it at all. I am not just falling into coffee’s warm embrace but also into people’s welcoming arms.

The Simple Complexity, Love

I've been taught all my life you should love your neighbors, enemies, and anyone else you came in contact with. It's just one of those things Christians believe in. But after those many years learning it I never understood the concept fully. I guess I want to say that I didn't truly love for the first 18 years of my life. It was just something I said. It was abstract and I just said I loved someone and it was so. No feeling. Even true towards my family. It's sad to know you've been lying to people, including your parents, when you said you loved them. But I've grown and that brings joy to my heart. People that have entered my life by way of house church have taught me to love. This sounds pretty cheesy but I mean it with all my heart. I can now say, "I love you" and be sincere. It's a wonderful feeling. I mean AMAZING! To be able to express the one emotion that God is, with your words and actions, is truly one of the greatest gifts God has given. Now I'm not to the point to where I love my enemies and all my neighbors. I'm not even to a point where I can love everyone close to me. Some people I have know for years, still feel like a superficial friend. You know the one you just make small talk or jokes with. But that is another post for another time.
Ryan Douglas Jarboe

Celebration and Singularity

We'll my birthday came and went but not without joyous celebration. I have to thank everyone who made a seemingly uneventful day into one to remember. I'll go ahead and tell you what went down. First Joe, Natalie, Logan, and Whitney took me out to Buffalo Wild Wings for a great lunch. We hung out a little after that and that was really good for me. Then Thomas came home after getting off early from work just for my birthday. We hung out and planned to go to Sugar Browns to see my friend, Katie, play. Well we went to Sugar Browns and my friend Jake came in from out of town and we got to talk for a little bit. It was an amazing evening of catching up with friends and great music. Katie's music makes me want to live life's mundane moments to the fullest (I'm not sure if that makes sense so I'm going to go ahead and take this parenthetical break to explain it. It's like her music captures the little moments in life. I want to expierence those moments and sincerly enjoy them.). We came home to a delicious cake that Whitney made. It was chocolate with chocolate and M&Ms and it made my heart sing. Well after chilling in the backyard for an hour or two, Katie came over and we had a good old fashioned bass plus tritar (three guitars) jam session. Thanks you very much to Josh, Thomas, and Katie for the delicious music that gently arose from our instruments. The evening was capped off watching some live footage of Coheed and Cambria (AMAZING!). That was the celebration part of the night but the title suggest another theme to my post. Singularity might not be the right word but my mind won't let go of the idea of it. I had a weird experience last night. After Jake left with his girlfriend I decided to move closer to the stage Katie was playing upon and sit with some friends. I was thoroughly enjoying the music as I have already stated above. But something hit me and strong. Singularity. The definition I'm using for this word is the condition of being single. I thought I had finally come to a point where I wasn't like a whiney little schoolgirl about my relationship status. I have to admit I use to be a ball of borderline depression. It was truly a sad sight now that I look back on it. But this shock of singulatiry surprised me because there was no justification for these feelings. It's kind of funny because these emotions push me a little closer to desperation. I see what other people have and I instantly say, "What they have must be better than what I have." I realize that I'm judging things on my perception and not my knowledge of things. These feeling have decided to stick around for today but I hope they don't linger too long. I don't know if I'm going to have to work out these deplorable thoughts myself or if someone will come to me with much-needed wisdom at just the right time. Maybe some combination of the two.

Cake Batter

Who doesn't like cake? Dieters excluded, everyone enjoys a nice slice of cake in any flavor. But what can top that delicious dessert? Then one form it takes before being baked in the oven, cake batter. I think that the batter is so much better. But what makes this gooey treat so much better that it’s baked counterpart? I think the band Sloan puts it best in their song Fading into Obscurity with the line, "This cake is bake, but I much prefer the batter. Perhaps in part because it had so much potential to be delicious and still be influential." Now, I'm not going to generalize my thoughts to fit everyone because I started this blog mostly for me. I've been thinking about my aversion to taking risk and I've come to a conclusion; If I stop seeing the worst that can happen and start looking for the potential in everything I do, I may start the process to optimism. I want to be able to go out to do something I wouldn't normally do and look for the potential for greatness. So I'm going to start small and work my way up to more risk. I'm starting by going to a weekly swing dance get-together and making a fool of myself in front of stranger, of which there is a majority of women.

Ryan Dougles Jarboe

So It Begins

I guess I'll start with a telling-readers-about-what's-going-on post. It just seems like a logical step. Well I've just started college at good ol' South Plains College. Nothing crazy going on in the school front, just a drag to get up early and go all day. All in all it is a good expierence for me and I hope to make some new friends over the semester. Today was just one of those days that nearly murdered me. I did not want to be a school at all but I'm trying my best to be more optimistic and approachable. Don't really know how that is working out just yet. I just started a job at Hastings and it already sucks a lot. I've really been enjoying house church lately. Mostly I like the people and how they encourage me. That's just a broad explanation of what's going on during the beginning of school. One thing I have to mention is the crazy happenings of the night. I went to a swing dance "thing." I learned some moves and it really helped me get out of my comfort zone. It was definately a step in a positve direction for me in the "outgoing" skillset. I need to blublicly (blog+public) thank a few people. Number one is Aaron, my big brother, for making me go even when I was yelling at him for making me go. Second, would be the two girls who tried to teach the most awkward student, Katie and Sarah Le. I know I semi-failed but there will be sucess in the future. All threes of you really did a great deal to encourage me. Thanks six fifty seven. I have some great thoughts for my thought-and-a-song-connection post that will appear when I dictate.

Beginnings

Yes, I've finally fallen to the fad of blogging. I usually try stay away from fads but I'm too intrigued by writing down my thoughts for supporters and strangers to read. I plan on writing two different post at the moment. One would be the whereabouts of my life and the such. The second is really the reason I got into this, I have thoughts I want to express in writing and journaling doesn't fit me.
This post is just an explainatory one, so don't pay as much attention to it as you would others.